Thank you everybody. I really appreciate your advice.

I'm having a hard time right now figuring out what to do. When we were dating, it was good for a couple weeks, then she got really busy. She said she wanted to go slow. I hardly saw her...

I mentioned before that she pushes people away when she gets scared. She's been in some pretty seriously messed up relationships with vindictive people. Maybe she was distancing herself already as a way to protect herself. Not very communicative, emotionally unavailable. Didn't want me to meet her friends. That's not a big deal to me, except that she was always with her friends, and not making time for me. I'd've been happy to hang out with her and her friends...

Guess I thought that background was important because the next part is that my therapist is suggesting that the best thing I can do for myself mightbe for me to let her push me away... All of my abandonment issues come up for me when I think about that.

In general, one of my problems is that I spend a lot of time thinking about how others feel, and how I can support them, but I don't think much about expecting that others be responsive to my needs and my feelings. I feel like I've gotten better than I have been in the past, but I am always putting others first. I have this tremendous capacity for empathy, and can almost always understand others' perspectives. Sometimes I have difficulty separating others' feelings from my own.

There is more to this though. She has told me that there are times when she is feeling down, and she needs her friends to remind her how strong she is, and that she'll be okay. I do believe that's true, but it goes against my nature to try to change somebody's mood in that way. It feels like I'm saying "buck up," "it's not that bad." I hate it when people try to suggest that I "shouldn't" feel a certain way. I want to be allowed to experience my emotions and be where I am in that moment.

I probably do that too much--definitely wallow in it too much, but there is a point, in my opinion when it is okay to feel the feelings, and a time to move on. So, or me, my instincts tell me to hold her, be present for her and allow her to experience her feelings, and at a certain point, tell her that she will be okay. Not that I've seen her for her to allow me to do that for her. I just know that when I'm down, I just want somebody to hold me. Really, even though I would hold a friend, it would be too awkward with her right now, so soon after we were dating...

Anyway, the point is, that right now, she is asking to be reminded how strong she is and that she'll get through it. And when I hear that, it feels like it is denying her the time to feel scared and lost and sad, which seems appropriate right now. It feels unnatural for me to do what she wants, and I don't think it would come out sounding genuine and enthusiastic, as much as I do believe it.

I know this is alot. Sometimes I have a hard time stopping once I start...

She has a lot of friends. I don't get the feeling that she wants or needs me right now. Even though I don't feel like we ever got to a point where I could have accurately called her a "girlfriend", I am grieving the loss of what I had anticipated and hoped for. And there were problems there even before she was diagnosed...

So, I'm having a lot of feelings, and I'm confused. I am really, really open to feedback.

Thank you.