growing up i learned false beliefs about so many parts of self. irratational thoughts. i was unforgiving of myself yet could show compassion to others. i questioned why i was so "different". i intentionally hid those feelings and traits cause others seemed so much more put together than i. i didn't want them to know the real me. i accomplished this facade for any years.i dreaded rejection and felt ashamed.
i can relate to your thoughts re not understanding life as we feel others do. i've had to really learn to cope in order to get to the "understanding life" thing, comfortable with my surroundings, making sound decisions, feeling worthy or not and sociability. i very often don't know how to react to things or think quick enough to respond to others in an appropriate way. life confuses me. i feel i am too complex.
risk taking is better than doing nothing even if it flies back at us tho. i have often times asked my T how to handle something differently than i did. (i am intuitive enough to know his reaction is negative.) i have to write verbatim his more appropriate thought/response. then i go home and reread, reread it over and over to try to gain insight. it baffles me that i can't "see" things in the same light doing it on my own.
i like the quote re "Imagine if you truly understood that deep down everyone shares these vulnerabilities and fears." the problem lies in the fact that i don't believe that. simply put i feel different than others in general. i don't feel i am unique in a good way. far from it. i often feel weary too.
boy i am baring my soul in this post. so i am really glad you started this thread. perhaps you or i are not as "different" as we think. continuing to make some sense about life is a helpful start. to seek truth. otherwise we would not be 'living' at all.
on a side note my maudlin self loves this edna st.vincent saying, "life goes on. i forget just why." i need to continue to work on finding meaning and understanding in my life. meaning and understanding i can trust is healthier.