Thank you for all your help. I requested a book from the library last night called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". It got some good reviews (all of the reviewers I saw had decided to leave ) so I'm going to read it and see if it doesn't clear up some of my confusion. We're in this strange limbo right now, not sure if we're going to get back together yet I'm still trying to do what I can to save the relationship (communication when he wants it, apologies, telling him I miss him). Yesterday was a good day - we texted a lot, mostly just chatter about my son, but also some more important stuff, like trying to apologize and assure him I'm not tired of apologizing. He did thank me for apologizing - it's not forgiveness, but at least it's a positive response, right? He told me he loved me last night (via text, of course). Although he has said it a lot and assured me he still loves me against his better judgment, it had been a few days, since the rough patches we hit this week, and it was nice to "hear". Anyway, I'm going to keep posting and updating about how things are going - in case anyone's interested.