there is nothing horrible about you EV. feeling disconnected happens to many folks so that isn't unusual. it is very normal to feel ignored when reaching out...especially if one's needs are not being met.

we're very sorry that you sound stressed right now and that you feel "pathetic" for needing attention.

at least you're writing here to express yourself instead of cutting. at least you're writing down the thoughts that are going through your mind instead of cutting.

how about attempting to bring up desiring attention from T with T? when reading this: <font color="blue">with cutting or fake cutting so T will notice</font> it could be seen as asking for attention..............asking for attention is not something to feel pathetic about! please try to talk with T about this instead of cutting if possible.

learning healthier ways of giving ourselves the attention we need as humans or finding safe ppl to get that attention from is part of healing.

you're not pathetic. you're an ongoing survivor who deals with many struggles and tries her best as she is able.

kindly and sincerely,