*****TRIGGER****
I cut today
It had been so long,everything is getting worse all at once. I am scared.I do not trust my self.So many people helping, and I still feel alone .How ungrateful is that? My head keeps begging for the PAIN. It happened so fast. It was like there was no time to talk or think my way out of it. I am in this hole,and God I keep climbing now it is all back! The meds are helping, but selfish me I want this gone now, because I do not trust me when these voices and thoughts are here.My family knows and are keeping me safe, no alone time for me.I made such a mess not of just my body, but of every thing I had worked for. It is never enough when I start this, It just wants more.
I am so scared of me!! I find my self plotting and planning to make opportunities to harm while family is with me. I am just trying to push all that away and find that safe place but today It was gone, my safe place was gone! HOW DO I GET IT BACK?