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Elysium · Aug 01, 2011, 09:50 PM

Suzzie....

This person may be a nice and good person, but if they are hitting you, even though you say it's not bad, it IS bad. If they are hitting you, or squeezing your arm hard enough to cause cuts, this is called Domestic Violence and Abuse.

I have lived with people who display these type of behaviors and I too used to say "It's not bad", "they didn't mean it", "they would never do anything to really hurt me".

I have learned that it is NOT OKAY for anyone to behave this way towards me, but it has taken a long time for me to get to this place. Another thing I've learned is that you CANNOT MAKE another person stop hurting you. This person does what they do because they do not have the skills that allow them to cope with their anger or frustration. You CANNOT MAKE them learn these skills. They have to be able to see that they have a problem, and they have to agree that they need help with that problem, and they have to be willing to get treatment for that problem and learn skills that do not include violence.

You are not the problem here. This other person's behavior and inability to cope is the problem.

The thing is though, that until you can get to a place where you realize that you DO NOT deserve this treatment and that IT'S NOT OKAY for someone to do these sort of things, you're bound to stand by there side and continue putting up with their abuses.

The best support I can give you is to tell you I'm here, and to tell you to get out of this relationship for now until this person gets the help they need, and you get the help you need, so you can both be healthy. If you stay in this relationship, you put yourself in harms way and you are in danger.

Please consider getting out of the relationship. If you are scared, there are people who will and can help you, even if that means helping to find you a safer place to live. There are Domestic Violence Clinics and Shelters that can help you be away from the dangerous behavior, and help you to learn to set strong boundaries around what behavior is acceptable and what isn't.

Also, I urge you to put this persons violence on record. If they hit you or hurt you in anyway, that is a crime and a reportable offense. Call the Police and file reports. The Officers can help you to fill out a Protection Order.

I know my words may make you angry, and may make you want to jump to this persons defense....I've been there before, it's kind of normal to want to protect them....after all, it's not that bad, right? But if someone is hurting you physically, emotionally, or sexually, it is that bad.

You a worthy of being cared for by people who don't hurt you and you deserve to be able to be safe and not hurt. This person has shown you they can't offer you that at this time. The only way to stop the behavior is for you to stop it by putting an end to the relationship until this person gets help for their issues and can show that they can learn to not hurt you...ever!!

Please be safe!!