I used to self-harm almost reflexively - now many years later since my last self-harm action I find myself stuck trying to not but desperately wanting the relief that I used to feel. I know I can cope better now but a recent incident has placed me in an old place in my head. I have tried talking to "normal" people about how I feel and they just get scared and instead of being able to work through these feelings they are building with no outlet and the self-harm urges grow by the hour.

I want relief. I want to pain that I feel to be outside so that it is not stuck in my head and so that it is real. I feel like the pain of what has happened is cutting off my oxygen and my will to continue on gets zapped from time to time. I have not done anything (promised to not do anything) but the struggle to keep my promise seems as paralyzeing as the feelings themselves I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone - I know that self-harm is an option I have chosen to remove from my list of possibilities but I am running out of other things that might bring some relief.