I have always had a hard time setting boundaries, expressing my needs and putting myself first in any situation because I always feel that I need to fix stuff. No matter what the situation. Even if I know I cant, I try.

Anyway my life from as far back as I can remember has been nothing but drama, violence, screaming and neglect. Needless to say, going through years of this you tend to beleive and to accept that this type of beyhavior is normal because that is all you are ever exposed too.

Up until my breakdown in December of 2004, I kept that belief system going because, again, I didnt know any different. That was "normal" to me.

Anyway, during these last several months, learning about me, bonding with my family and really getting familier with them and myself has taught me alot. For starters, I now know that life is going to be ok even if there is not a crisis going on. I know that it is ok to feel relaxed. Its ok to bum around on the weekend. I know that this seems dumb to most of you, but to me, knowing that all those things (and more stuff I wont mention now) are ok is a difference in my life then what is was before. Because before, those things were not ok. I had to constantly be "the fixer", "the provider".........

Anyway, the point of my story is.....as you know, I started back to work after 8 months and the transition was quite exhausting. Still going through that. After I returned I guess that people thought that I was "all better" and that I am "fixed" so they felt they could come to me and talk to me as they once did back before I had a hard time saying NO or I dont want to be involved.
My coworkers started gossiping about other coworker and telling me things that I really didnt care to know, or just didnt think I had the right to know. At first I was frustrated because I didnt know how I would get the courage up to tell them that I didnt want to get involved that I didnt want to gossip and I dont want the drama in my life because its not my drama to have.

I ended up writing an email to the 2 girls involved and basically spoke from my heart. I wasnt attacking them for what they had gossiped about, I just stayed focused on me, my needs, the changes that I have made and how I plan to maintain my emotional health by separating myself for negative influences, as much as I can, in every aspect of my life. I asked that they please respect my feelings and refrain from including me in anymore gossip or speculations as I wanted no part of it.

As I expected, it was a little hard to swollow at first for them. I suppose its because they thought that I was the same old Jen, but I am not. I have felt things and made some changes that I am really proud of and want to continue being a good person. I want to continue to do right by people. I guess they havent been around me to know. Anyway, they did appologize to me, which I thought was pretty commendable on their part and since then, there has been no gossip, well, at least none that I have heard about .

I am proud of myself because I never would have had the courage to say something before. Not that I was a push over but because I was part of the problem

Thanks for listening