From about the age of five i knew that something was wrong, i knew that something about me was not normal. When i started going to school at the age of five i couldnt ask the teacher if i could go to the toilet so i peed in my pants, its a very painful memory to think about, very embarrasing because no one could understand why i couldnt just put my hand up and ask, and frankly, neither could i. I went through the rest of my school years just getting by on a string with minimal friends and not the best social life or status. I didnt do well at school and passed matric by the skin of my teeth, not because i wasnt capable but because it just didnt matter enough to me at the time. Now that i think back i realy wish i could go back and change things. When id finished school i battled to get a job because i was scared to talk to people, and i tried to tell my parents that and they saw it as an excuse not to work and called me lazy. I tried to make them understand and to get help for me but they kept saying the same thing about the laziness. I finaly managed to get a job as a barlady through someone i know and stuck it out for two years before finaly having a nervous breakdown and leaving my job because i could not cope. Ive been in and out of jobs since then because im too shy and cannot handle and cope with problems at the work place. I finaly had the guts to go and see a psychologist.. i went for about three sessions and could not afford it anymore so i stopped. I actualy still did not know what was wrong with me until i started to google my symtoms and finaly came up with what was wrong with me all of these years. AvPD, or in lamens terms avoidant personality disorder, i cant even stand in a line at the shop without going blood red and having a panick attack. I have trouble communicating with people, even family, and do not know how to deal with this. Whenever i try to tell someon about it they tell me its all in my head and im just being silly. The doc put me on lexamil and its just not helping me, im 32 years old and dont know what to do anymore