The only time that you're enjoying life is the time spent at the pub?

You could see a therapist to talk openly and get some helpful feedback on how to change the miseries that you are struggling with. That would be a much more productive approach.

It sounds like your current approach to change your misery is only complicating your life, creating more pain. I think that it's time to try working with a therapist and joining a support group to help you through.