I was just talking to my son about this today. He suddenly expressed real sorrow and distress, thinking that when he grew up he might hit his wife, as his father hit me. I used to think that it "wasn't so bad" when my ex hit me. It started when I was pregnant, and it was "only" grabbing me and throwing me against a wall, slapping me across the face, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, throwing me on the bed. At the time I was frightened to fight back, because I thought I might lose the baby.

After my son was born it continued... probably for longer than I realised, because my poor son remembers it. It stopped when my ex grabbed me in the shower, shook me, and my head cracked the wall. He stomped out and left me, and I started to bleed down the shower drain. My period had been late... I'm still pretty sure it was an early miscarriage.

Next time me ex hit me, my son (a toddler at the time) was lying on the sofa. My ex was trying to stop me from going to a course (a few hours three times a week.) He'd locked the front door, and I threatened to climb out the window. He grabbed me and started shaking me. I screamed, and started hitting him, and hitting him, and he backed off. He never touched me again.

The thing is, these things escalate. From when he grabbed me and threw me against the wall, when I was five months pregnant with our son, to my bleeding in the shower, it was "never too bad." It took me losing a baby to realise how bad it was. And today my fifteen year old is still carrying pain from those "little" slaps, and shoves, and shakes. He was practically in tears worried he'd be like his Dad.

It's always bad. If he will not take action right now to stop it, leave him. I can't stress this enough. It gets worse. And if you ever had children involved, that "worse" could last for generations.