Sorry I had to cut off my post...the bad clouds went away!

You mention in your post that you are bipolar...if so, I think it would be good to treat that aggressively, as it has a biological basis that can cause other problems.

Please don't be afraid to accept these problems, but as you do, you must learn to reject the guilt that accompanies them. You are not weak, and you are not a failure. You do have a serious illness that has had major implications for your life, but that is NOT your fault. Your recovery will require the support of a psychiatrist, a therapist, medication, peer support, family support and a belief on your part that things will get better. Please don't wait too long to apply for SSI/SSDI like I have. Like you, I was too proud to do it...but it is not shameful to ask for help, especially when you really need it. Now, I am months away from seeing any help...had I applied when I got out of the hospital, the process would be almost done, and I wouldn't be living hand-to-mouth as I am now.

Please take care of yourself, niko...don't be afraid to ask for the help that you need.

DJ