Thank you for your words of encouragement. BUT now I have received a 2ndary blow. I set stern boundries that HE HAS to be under Psychiatric care for 6 months before any permenant decision about who he is can be acted upon. I will not buy prescriptions off the internet so he can self medicate to look female. He tried telling me that he knows who and what he is and doesn't need therapy or a doctor to get the medications that he wants to change himself. We had a long talk about Hormone therapy, I am post menapausal and have taken the HRT medications. I know as a female taking these hormones what they had done to me, I could only imagine the emotional rollarcoaster that he will endure. He threw every excuse in my face about how and why he was not accepting my boundries on this situation. I stated to him that I love him, but if he wasn't going to work through this in a healthy manner than I can not support him and he would have to live somewhere else. I refuse to help him Kill himself. After some time later when he calmed down and came to discuss this with me in a civil manner. He announces that He isn't transgender and he is just having a hard time. Oh there was a lot more deliberation. And I am a gullible fool.
So, I am feeling very decieved and this is another ploy to get out of Growing up and being responsible. He thought THAT if I felt sorry for him, he wouldn't have to face the fact that
He isn't doing chores, he isn't looking for work, and he hasn't gotten his drivers license. The options if he took the summer off I gave him back in April of this year.
I was part of a major lay-off and have no more unemployment and have been getting temp-work as jobs are available. There is no money to "give him" so he can buy medications off the internet, we or "I" barely have money to keep us from being on the streets. He is not doing chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, Or anything but sit in his room on his computer, he stays up all night and sleeps all day.
When I come home I get excuses and he expects me to do the chores as well. The ultimatum is that he is either going to live at the dorms at school and get work with the school to pay for it (I have already sat down with admissions and discussed that this is possible) OR join the armed forces of his choice in order to have the availabilty to pay for college and take care of himself. My problems are that I can't do it all alone, and have some one sitting around taking advantage. I am writing a diary, seeking help, keeping a positive "this shall pass", and "I can-I am-do it" mantra in order to obtain a level of today is better than yesterday- pulling my (our) butts out of the ditch. In order to work through the kick in the teeth I have been handed in the past 2 years.