Hi,
This is none of my busoness, but has she been diagnosed as Bipolar? When I first was diagnosed that was the line of action they took with me, Depakote, Remeron, and for sleep they also gave me Ativan (anxiety) and Ambien (sleep).

It wasn't long till they took my advice and switched me to Celexa from the Remeron, Remeron made me a complete Zombie which fueled my depression!! The Celexa helped a great deal And you are right those other 2 will make you very hungry, all the time. Explain to you doc how upsetting the weight issue is and how counterproductive it is becoming, he or she may try another med like they do sometimes.
I chose Lithium, yes there is the weight issue, but it doesn't cause hair thinning like Depakote will, and the weight gain is not as intense, you are not tired all day like you feel while taking Depakote. At the time of my diagnose the doc may have chose meds that helped induce sleep because due to family crisis, which may have triggered all this in the first place, I was only sleeping 2hrs a day for 8 months, so I think my doc purposely started with meds that would get me to rest and allow my brain some "R &R". Of what you have described here about your daughter's behavoir it sounds very much like Bipolar disorder, the advice I can offer you is that you are going to need a lot of patience dealing with her moodswings, we really do not like acting this way and like a "soul possessed" sometimes do not have much control over our actions that is where the proper meds. help tremendously.
If your area offers a support group ( many hospitals have meetins once a month, even 2) that help the families in coping with members of the family and /or friends that are dealing with mental disorders. You may want to check one of the meetings out, you may find some additional info., can't hurt right? With the right med and a good psychiatrist, plus maybe some talk therapy she will be able to reach the point of finding the balance that you state in your closing line, but it takes a "lot" of time, "perseverence", you both have to will yourselves to not give up, it is a VERY hard struggle, but DON'T give up, you will have horrendous days, which I am sure I haven't told you something you don't already know. But in time, yes, believe it or not things do get better

Take care and hang in there, PM me if you ever want to my "door" is always open, I'll leave the light on for you . . .

"darkeyes"