I don't know if this makes sense to anyone here, but I have a strong history of repressing my emotions. As a child, my aim was to stop the chaos surrounding me. I was scared and sad, angry and confused as to why I couldn't get my family to get along.

I've now distanced myself from the family, in hope of getting out of the darkness and into a healthier state of mind. The problem is that I feel blank inside. I cannot figure out the emotion/s.

I feel a heaviness in my chest, restriction in my throat, anxiety (I want to run!), as well as a stillness ~ (as though someone's yelling, "sit still!" at me). Kind of like being a prisoner or something. Does this make sense to anyone?

How do I let emotions that I've repressed out? I asked my T this Q today, to which he said that was tricky because I very rarely shed a tear even in therapy. When I do cry, I instantly angrily tell myself to stop. The T said that is a learned behavior, deeply ingrained in my psyche over the years.

But, how in the world can I feel better if I don't let these emotions out? I don't see my T for another 2 weeks and I feel as though I'm on a teeter-totter. Any experience with events like this? Please help if you can.

Thank you ~