I've had some training on the issue of domestic abuse. Rubyindie knows what she is talking about. (well, obviously. But this is, also, what abuse specialists know.) I had to spend some time researching resources in my city for victims of domestic violence, and I was very thorough. I attended lots of meetings, talked to lots of professionals who provide help, and visited a domestic violence shelter a number of times.

Experts on domestic violence have told me that this is an area in which there is a vast amount of misunderstanding, even on the part of mental health experts and social workers who have not had specialized training in domestic violence.

Every good size city has quite a bit of help for victims. (The venues that victims can go to for shelter, or even just advice, are not advertised, due to fear of retaliation by abusers.) Even small towns usually have some resources. Often domestic violence shelters have support groups open to victims not living in the shelter. You might do a little research and find out about some resources. My gut feeling is that you should tell her what you know, but be ready to hand her the information about help that you can gather. You might try a make a date to go with her to a meeting, or to a counselor. All of these resources that I found are free. Like I said, you wouldn't even know they existed if you were not specifically researching domestic violence advocates. You might even go to a meeting, or counselor, by yourself, and ask the exact question that you have asked in this thread. I guarantee you would be well received and thanked.

People working in this area are true specialists. They are extremely discreet because they know that abusers can be very threatening. They don't force anyone to do anything. They provide a great deal of validation for the victim. They totally understand that victims tend to stay in the abusive situation and they don't try to drag victims out.

Once the victim knows that this much support is available, there is a better chance that, one day, when the abuse has the victim desperate, she might go for help. They know how to get her initial free legal advice and, just, all kinds of back up. Good sized cities tend to have the best networks of support.

Doing this might help you to feel better, even if your friend is not ready right now to leave him.