Things aren't any better & the blankets are seeming even better. I am doing less & less just can't even push myself anymore & the worst part is that I know that "nobody can help me except me". After I talked to the social worker that was supposed to be the one assigned to me & gave me all of that 30 day BS junk, I gave the director of the program a call & left a message telling her that I wanted her to call me back with my files in front of her face (which were brobably alrealy thrown out). I never heard anything from her. Then last weekend I talked to my psychologist who suggested talking to the psychiatrist who is in charge of the program.....suggesting that because he is the brother-in-law of my own pdoc I would get some action & he told me that either of the 2 people I was trying to deal with would call me back. Well........It has already been another week & haven't heard a word.......if they think I will come crawling back on my knees to them after the 30 days .........boy do they have another think coming.

The program did more harm that good by opening up everything that can't be closed. I know on Thursday, I went to my pain specialist & stopped by the house. My husband has been doing a great job of getting things down...& laying them all over the place. I know I started going over some of the things. Big mistake still. There were glass ware things up in the cupboards that were covered nicely so that nothing would get dirty....glasses wrapped individually.....but do you think she care for her valuable things that well? Then I started looking at some photos.......oh the tears.....& the memories of when my Mother was alwasy telling me that she wasn't stupid & that I would realize when I grew up that she was smarter than I thought she was. It's very sad to say that her death just reinforced my thoughts of her being stupid.

Those were some of the issues the program brought out & I just can't seem to see her in any different light. I know that only I can put myself back together but for now.......I just can't seem to get out of bed. That is really sad because we actually had about 2 inches of snow all over our yards & my husband said my horses are really cute in the snow. Sure glad I didn't have a Feb foal....by April it will be much nicer & hopefully I will get my act back together by then.

Debbie