Just wanted to come here and by typing HOPEFULLY get rid of some of these thoughts...

A couple of months ago I walked away from one of my chief abusers - my "father." Litterly hung up the phone on him (after several warnings that I'd do that if he didn't stop the abusive lauguage) and have not had contact with him ever since. Intellectually, I know it was right thing to do. Long over due after a lifetime of first his physical abuse and/or neglect - and as I got older verbal abuse. I've been supported by many people here, as well as my T who is unfailing in her willingness to be there for me.

But for the last couple days the thought pattern has been : "Oh come on! How bad was it really?? He's an old man now. Stop this nonsense and go see him." And of course the old stand by... "You know he's not gonna live forever..."

Well, in reality it was pretty DA** bad... The effects of which still haunt me and my brother today. I've chosen therapy. My brother has chosen to be a hermit. And most likely contributed in killing our mother (who dished out her own special brand of abuses). But the turmoil persists... Logic -vs- "missing my dad."

Thoughts?? Anybody??