If you are open to taking meds, it might be worth revisiting this with a pdoc. More is known now than 10 yrs ago about different meds and how they act, and new meds have been developed too. I understand, though, about not wanting to take meds. I am not too keen on them either--meds of any type, not just psych meds. But if you don't want to take meds based on what happened 10 yrs ago, it might be worth a discussion w/pdoc.

My former husband was quite an angry guy and he went on an anti-depressant and it helped his anger a lot. For him, it turned out his anger was a symptom of his depression.

There are definitely other ways to work on anger without taking a medication. This stood out to me in what you wrote: "I guess I don't know how to say I am angry, how to feel angry, without behaving angry." Those are skills that can be taught. Your T can teach you how to express your anger without acting out. Have you told him you would like to learn this?

That is helpful to know the emotions under your anger. I hope you can share with your T.