I wrote up a well crafted reply but the internet monster ate it before I could post. That is such a good feeling... Ughhh. Forgot to copy to clipboard as I went along.

Once we learn WHAT exactly the abuser does, we naturally want to know WHY they do it. I used to blame abusers in my life but now realize they are only doing what they learned as abused or abandoned children. They are not thinking when they abuse. Their need for control and their behavior to reTain or reGain it is about fear and self preservation. A defense mechanism, plain and simple. Hating them or blaming them does no good. We, as adult victims, have 2 choices. We must either make them stop or leave them. Sadly, the former is often impossible.