It's not old news. (((hugs)))

A relationship with a therapist is very, very unique. It's very intimate, but also has pretty strict boundaries. T is always there to somehow help you, and it's never really about the T.

I would speculate it hurts so much to miss a session because that is a guarenteed time and space dedicated to you. It's about working on you, helping you reach a new place in your life that feels better. A time to connect to someone who does deeply care, and continues to show this is new ways with a different set of boundaries than the rest of the world.

There are moments that things will feel crazier with therapy in your life. You're learning a new way to LIVE and interact with people. A way you were never exposed to before. Of course it feels crazy and confusing.

A T who is in tune with their clients, definitely knows what's going on. But the client also needs to share these things with their T. If you never share that you are in anguish about these things, a T may not know. If T knows they may give you tools to help decrease this.

You are paying for a service. Where T gives you tools and expertise. But you are not paying for the genuine connection that you feel. That's something you and T have built over time.