(((*Defeated*))) - I'm very sorry you're feeling great despair. On a positive note, when a person does hard work in therapy to uncover intense pain, this eventually results in healing. Its natural when we share something extremely difficult, that it triggers us, almost (sometimes exactly) as it did in the past.

You deserve a pat on the back for working hard even though its painful. Be gentle and take of yourself during this time of despair. I hope and pray as time goes on and therapy progresses, it will get easier.