Oh wow that was a powerful post and I agree its time to call it quits with your dad to spare your own well being. I'm sorry for all you've been through, even though I'm sure its inadequate and I think you have full right not see him or have communication. I know that won't take the pain away or the mixed feelings but at least it spares any future damage to you. Amazing how we still can long for our family or loved ones even though they don't deserve it.