Thank you for replying Perna, but I think you've got it all wrong. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I didn't make things perfectly clear. I'm not sure I understood the first paragraph of your post, so I will not answer it in case Imake a fool of myself

I never had any problem or shortcoming regarthing my mother though. My relationship with my sensei is a very complicated and special one. I've had a dark past. I've seen many things and I've known some truly horrible people and I mean that in a way few people can understand. Before I started karate I was a troubled teenager, friendless, pessimistic, unable to trust anyone and hating the world and all that's in it. When I got to know her I couldn't help but to notice the contrast between her world and my own. I was living in a big, dark, cruel, bitter and ugly world whereas she lived in her own small healthy world, busy with her work and her students. I trusted her as I had never trusted anyone before her. I told her about my mental illness and she was great about it. She gave me excellent advice and support whenever I talked to her about my worries. She was always full to the brim with faith and hope and that seemed to be contagious. I was calmer and happier in her presence. I learnt a lot from her. I've changed a lot and I feel like I'll be in her debt forever. That's why I love her so much.

As for my friend, I don't expect her to be perfect. I'm not trying to find fault with her either. In fact I admire her very much in various fields. I'm just a bit upset at her for her occasional sarcasm and the fact that she hardly ever understands how I feel about things. It's true that she has something I wouldn't mind having, but I'm not exactly jealous of her. I would have liked to have been training prefessionally and preparing for the karate league myself, but I'm not. She is, and I always try my best to help and encourage her.

Oh and I'm afraid I have hardly any imagination at all. My friend does. She writes stories. She's even had a novel published. No, I'm not jealous. I'm actually really proud of her. I can never complete the stories that I begin. I always hit writer's block.

Understanding and becoming myself, I like that! And being true to myself. I should practice those.

Well, thanks anyway