Moviebuff,
Take a few minutes now and think. What happened when you turned 12 and 13?
Do you remember the bra and how embarassing that was? Do you remember looking at your body and seeing it changing and how awkward that was? Do you remember fearing about when something else would start to happen and then how you felt when it did happen and you learned it would happen every month? Did someone yell at you all the time while you were trying to figure it all out?

You have to stop yelling. Your son is 13 and that means that he is entering the most difficult years of his life. He is looking in a mirror and his image is changing, not the little boy that was care free and playful. Now, he has to learn that his underarms are going to smell because his body is changing. His teeth are now the ones that are perminent and he has to learn that too and these teeth are still growing. And in the next few years hormones are slowly going to come into play and he is going to be very confused. And his body is going to go through a lot of stages and his face is slowly going to change and the innocent little boyish cheeks are going to change.
This is a VERY CONFUSING UPSETTING TIME.

To top it off the homonal change is going to cause him to feel tired and confused.
He may even want to withdraw and take may quiet moments to wonder about who he is and what is going on.

So what this means is he is going to need a lot of support and QUIET CONVERSATIONS, NO YELLING. He is in no way ready to just all of a sudden BE AN ADULT. He is going to need you to spend time with him talking and YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T "EVER" CALL HIM INADEQUATE OR DEMEAN HIM IN ANY WAY.
This time is when he is kind of in a cacoon in many ways. So you are no longer in the presense of a little boy and neither is he. No more yelling.

You are going to have to concentrate on helping him build self esteem and that self esteem is going to be very fragile over the next five years. He needs to know he can talk to you and ask questions and not get yelled at. He is going to test you and look for a way to see boundaries and struggle to learn what boundaries are. Your job now is to help him, NO YELLING.

Go and and read and find books for him too. This can be a difficult journey for your son. He is going to need your support. He is also going to need a quiet private place of his own. And he is going to need reassurance and support because he is going to have a tough time looking at and feeling all the changes ahead.

Open Eyes