I swear I feel like a big ***** whiney baby sometimes. I want to have temper-tantrums over damn near every LITTLE thing that doesn't go the way I NEED it to.

Whenever I leave my BF's house he tells me to call to let him know I made it home safely.
When I left yesterday he was playing chess with his cousin. I know his whole Thursday routine with that, how long his cousin stays and the whole thing.

I called when I made it in, he answered. I called about a good 2 hours later and no answer to my call or text. NOW I'm going insane. I know he's doing something he has no f***ing business doing, he probably has some *****s over there with his cousin and a variety of other thoughts. Sometimes he'll fall asleep, but then he calls me back an HOUR after he wasn't answering. So, I say, **** you, I'm not answering my phone, I always answer for you no matter what, whenever I'm around you have the phone in your ***, but all of a sudden when I leave you don't pay it any attention, BULLS**T! So, I didn't answer for him for the rest of the night.

Then this morning I find out that he didn't even have to work today, why didn't he tell me that? So, now I'm pissed at him that I have to be at work and I FREAKIN DON'T WANT TO BE and I'm TIRED and he's home sleeping and probably talking to girls and whatever else he can do and I really want to yell at him.

I know those thoughts are irrational which is the ONLY reason I'm not going to lay in on him, but these thoughts lay in on me HARD! BPD, I want to KILL YOU!