For me meds are poison and nasty and a sign of weakness. Meds can make me crazy and I do not trust medicine. But when I started hallucinating when my depression was really bad, I made the choice to start taking the medicine. It was not an easy choice. I wish 100 times over that I did not need to take the meds. My depression lifted and I was able to start therapy after I had a memory flood and panic which meant more meds. My depression is here to stay and without the meds I would have not had the courage to start T. Now my relationship with my husband is better and I do better at work. Everything is better with the meds even though in the past meds seemed to make my life worse. JUST food for thought. I think that is what your T maybe trying to do is open up all the avenues of healing for you. Meds are better now and docs are smarter about how they work more now than ever in history.