Ah yes the looking thing - I can manage a brief glance occasionally - I can understand completely when you say what is wrong with not connecting, if connecting feels worse - but I hold on to the hope that maybe if I can learn to connect then oneday that will feel safe and even nicer than being alone.

Being alone feels safer right now, but deep down I don't think that is really what I want for me in the long term - which I guess is why I keep going to T.