Thanks for the posts.

Kaliope: I shall try to explore that choosing thing - it feels like I am locked out, but maybe there is a bit of me that can try to choose to do something different. Do I try to do this by having a chat with myself?

Dinosaurs: The wanting to stay present bit is something I can also explore - I hadn't really thought of that - I guess it is hard to want to stay with something that is difficult - I wonder how I can convince myself that I want to?