With what happened in your first marriage it's no wonder you're filed with doubt. I'd talk with your wife and explain the past, what happened, how it has made you insecure, and that you have acted out as a result, but that you feel bad about it, and don't want to keep doing that.
My husband used to feel very insecure about our relationship. He's worked on that, with my support and our relationship is now not only very strong, but very, very secure. Once I realised that some of his behaviour was based on insecurity and not malice I was able to support him through the process of allowing himself to relax in our relationship and have faith in it.
By comoing here and reaching out for advice I think you're on the right track. I wish you and your wife the very best of luck and a very happy future.