Hey, Set Me Free, thank you for sharing your struggles. I identify with them a little bit, my husband is not "high management" but does have difficulty seeing other people's point of view whereas I see "both" sides in our discussions.

I think, were I you, I would start with how you view yourself? What's with the "lowly" cashier? I think part of why you may take stuff she says "the wrong way" is because you do not think well enough of yourself. For me, I use the phrase, "your mother wears combat boots" and think about all aspects of that; the phrase doesn't bother me at all but how would I feel if my mother did wear combat boots? How would I feel if someone I cared about said that to me versus someone on the street I didn't know?

Words are about the person uttering them. Who or why a person would say, "Your mother wears combat boots" is much more important than whether or not the person being spoken to's mother wears combat boots? If the person being spoken to does/does not care about what is being said, that determines how they "take" what is being said but that does not make what is being said right or true, it still remains the sayer's thoughts and words only.

If you do not feel you are being understood, tell your partner that. It is not your job to get yourself understood or not, that is her job, to work to understand (if she wants). If you state your truth, she must accept it.

"I do not want you to call me names anymore." Another person may go on and on about how they don't call me names but that is not the issue! I'm not asking their opinion on whether or not they call me names, I'm telling them about me, that I do not like it and won't tolerate it. That is what setting a boundary is; telling the other person where you "are" and then setting a consequence for what will happen if they cross it.

The next time they call me a name, I immediately remind them again I do not want them to call me names and I add, "I would like an apology from you now for having called me a name". You have to build a relationship based on yourself and who you are and what you want. No one can argue with you about that because only you are you! A "powerful personality" can try to over-set you, talk over you, argue with you but can't win because they are not you, only you are you and you are the expert; you have all the trump cards!

So, figure out what you want in each instance and only discuss that. Stay "centered" with you and what you desire, in very specific language, and if you continue to get boundary crossing or not enough of what you want, then you have to start deciding what you are going to "do" about that.

One thing else you might want to look at; I believe other people cannot hurt us, we do that to ourselves with the caring about "your mother wears combat boots". When we hurt, that shows an area within us that needs our care. No one else can get in there and help us, someone saying to me, "you have such nice hair" when I'm thinking about the fact I weight 260 pounds and am feeling bad about myself, doesn't cut it? When I take what I term a "direct" hit, "You are a fat slob", I accept what I can (I am, in fact, morbidly obese) and discount what I can (what is a "slob" and how does that have anything at all to do with obesity?). I also "consider the source". Why would someone who loves/cares about me say that? I also remember what I started with here in this reply to you; what another says, tells more about them than me. I remember who I am and what I am doing (I am working as hard as I wish to right now on losing the weight) and my whole perspective changes.