Some very nice thoughts here dinosaurs.

I wish I had speakers so I could hear the video. It is still on my list of to do's.

Having friends is much like having a garden or even having pets. You have to take time and make an effort to engage others. And it isn't just about hanging around others or groups as you say. And people are usually drawn to other people who tend to either be strong and offer a sense of direction or lend themselves to service and support. It is something that you have to be willing to work at and it is a matter of building a balance with others on and individual basis within each group. And it also means that a person has to participate in having individual motivations that the group can benefit from.

And eventually when you have enough time around people and you finally make a decision to just be yourself. Making an investment of interest in the others individually without really expressing a dependancy takes time to achieve and maintain. And you have to learn to present a dependable nature about yourself.
Most people like people that they feel they can count on to always be supportive and nonintrusive or judgemental.

While I didn't get to hear the video presented here and how this woman discussed children, children often pick up skills within the family unit first. If a child grows up being ignored or constantly devalued by a parent or parents and even siblings the child eventually learns to devalue themselves and tend to isolate and carry a deep resentment and distrust in others throughout their lives. "We are what we know".

One of the constant things I noticed in children that I worked with is that they almost always were a reflection of their parents perceptions of them. For example,
"Suzie is not very athetic and tends to underachieve, she loves horses but will probably not be your best rider". Or there are parents that present "My daughter is good at everything and she is always the best." And even worse is a unspoken "My daughter has to be good at everything and be a winner for me to be happy". And now that I think of it there is yet another, "I have to constantly micromanage everthing about my child".

And therein lies the base for each and every person that walks the earth. "They are what they know". And that has nothing to do with how much overall education they have, it goes back to how they were programed when they were young. And what can change that is being exposed to some person in the process of growing up that teaches that child to have a sense of worth and drive and self value.

For each person that struggles with the mistakes they make or made in life there is often a root that they truely never realize exists. And that is very sad because a person can go through life blaming themselves and truely not understanding that many of their perceptions and short commings are simply not their fault.

So what really happens in a group? What really defines a group and the reason for its existance? If you really pay attention there is a common understanding within each group. It is mostly defined by the ability to service an unlying need that each person within the group needs that reaches back to when they were young.

As a matter of fact, look at PC. Look at the different forums that group different people together. Everyday click on the new member forum and read what each new person says. Each new person comes with a question and often an appology as well.

Now, slowly fan out to the different forums and read the threads and posts there too. Every different forum expresses a need, a question, and a desire for an answer and search and support. And then look at the most active forum of all. Sit outside the forums and watch the numbers of people viewing the forums.

The most active forum on this site is DEPRESSION. And for every person that visits that forum there is an equal number of people who avoid it, but secretly feel it.

The answer to your question is that you have to learn how to define yourself and be willing to look to your past and honestly see where there was a lack. And then you have to be willing to stop blaming yourself and begin a process of healing and acceptance and humbling and growth. And it will be a slow process and it must include a willingness to finally accept your past and understanding that you CAN learn to overcome it. But that has to start by understanding what you do not have or do not know yet.

Just because a person does not know something doesn't mean they can't learn. But a true self humbling has to take place in order to truely gain. And what that means is a willingness to honestly address the lack and instead of holding onto the anger and self defense and self blaming and self guilt and self criticism and even fear, the true desire to let go of anger and be willing to learn has to take place.

Are you perfect? No, your never going to be perfect, you are always going to be unique. But the one thing you are is HUMAN. And that gives you the right to spend the rest of your life learning how to ACCEPT THAT AND LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT IN OTHERS AS WELL. Are you going to make mistakes? Yes but that doesn't mean you can't learn from your mistakes. And what do other people really want? They just want to be accepted like you and truely feel that they can be themselves and not be injured or rejected. And there are countless ways people protect their inner insecurities. And learning how to get along with others is about learning how to not abandon yourself as well. Most people who isolate are often struggling with self abandonment and they are really not aware of it. "BECAUSE IT IS WHAT THEY KNOW"

One of the things that almost everyone loves is comedy and satire. Why? And what makes successful comedy or satire? And what makes a good novel? What makes good comedy, satire, and novel is the ability to relate various social (mostly family) interactions including various social failures and not only present it with a comical aspect but also with a subtle learning message that is presented in a noninvading manner. Most commedians and writers have had personal struggles that they can somehow translate into a presentation that allow other humans to address issues by lightening up or seeing a sense of human resolve and enlightenment. " I am not alone after all".

Open Eyes