Hi, not wrote on here in a long time. I'm at a bit of a loss and it is safe to say I'm beyond confused (and hurt).

I've been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years now and I really do love him. We have so much in common, have the same values etc. My problem is (or rather HIS problem) is that he can't say I love you to me.

This has been more and more of an issue to me as the relationship has developed. I know that there are reasons why he can't say it (things in his past, him not wanting to get hurt etc). I even know of a past relationship of his that wasn't great to say the least that may be a reason why he can't open up (he doesn't know I know of this relationship).

We've (or I have brought it up) talked about this many times... I always end up hurt and in tears. Every time I look at him and get that warm feeling and think "I love this guy" it soon turns to hurt, because I'm not 'allowed' to tell him and that I know I'll never hear it back. I shouldn't be in that situation. Noone in a relationship should ever feel hurt BECAUSE they love the other.

It has even got to a point where I've been so upset that we came up with a 'code word' for it... cheesecake. At times he will say cheesecake, mainly if I say it to him. But it's not the same... it doesn't mean anything to me. I love him, not cheesecake! And with him saying cheesecake to me, it doesn't feel like he means I love you.

I'm sorry, I'm a bit emotional at the moment. I'm sat in bed typing this with him layed asleep next to me. Before I started writing this post I asked him about 'this situation' again. He didn't say anything. I didn't get a response. I'm hurting. I love him so much and I really don't wanna loose him, but sometimes I think. "Why am I putting myself through this pain?"

Please, any advice or opinions are more than welcome. I'm just 'stuck' at what to do anymore.

edit: I forgot to add... I suffer with depression and anxiety and I believe that this is an issue with him. He says it's hard to have a 'normal' relationship when I'm like 'this'. But just thinking of that makes me feel like I'm being strung along a little bit