You can make the difference. Take control of your life, your needs and desires. Of course all of what I say is easier said than done and you should use your best judgment. But I have to say that I have seen men (although some women do this too) use that "I'm wounded from the past" thing to control their present relationship so that they get their needs and wants fulfilled while their girlfriends dance to their tune; and there seems to be a connection between the girlfriends' fear of "losing" their men and the men getting what they want while the girlfriends suffer.