Skysblue, thanks for the re-explanation. I think the salient factor here is the exact emotion itself, not a generality of dysfunctional emotions taking over at inappropriate moments the majority of the time.

I spent each of my past 4 years with my T concentrating on a theme. One year's theme was shame. He wasn't thrilled when I announced it. Like why would you go delving into these experiences, don't you want to just forget them? (This is one of tne reasons I tell him he's not smart enough to be my T.) But I had some distinct bodily sensations that would occur at seemingly odd times, and finally it was working on this theme that helped me piece together the shameful secret(s) of my past, and relieved me of these feelings.

Looking back, I think my test came two months ago, when we had a rupture which was potentially very shameful, and I have been proud in thinking recently that I handled it the way the REAL me would have - I found PC, and I was cool. I didn't overblab details about it to my friends, but I got a lot of good feedback from them, and I respected my T's and my own privacy. Hmm - I didn't shame myself. Frankly, I would call myself shameless before this incident. When your parents don't respect boundaries, yet are constantly shaming you, that's a bizarre mixed message. Hence a porous boundary?

Gershon Kaufman at Michigan State uni is the king of shame, I like a book of his with a purple icon on it I think, big book. He talks about "dissmell", like distaste - that's how I felt mummy always looked at me, with an expression of dissmell. Anyway, Gersh and a leonard something guy.

And what was really weird for me was, I had told all the stories of my 'secret' in t before over the years, but had never put them together as a WHOLE. Never connected them. Once I did, the world started changing. Not ME - the WORLD!

Ps. ditto everything Treehouse said up there.