Are you, is your T, interested in retrieving your childhood memories, or believe it is possible or worthwhile to do so? Some (I) do; behaviorists don't. And there's a difference between "knowing my past affects my present" and finally feeling the horror and anger (however de-intensified by medication and cynicism and distance) inherent in these past life events.

You DID name the thread, I wish I could figure it out. Some things will just be serendipitous. My T, when hugging me goodbye, used to say, "Oh Pancho!" and he told me the reply was, "Oh Cisco!" That triggered a memory for me - those are the closing lines of an old Saturday morning TV show. I remember laughing at the two male characters saying them, and my mother slapping me upside the head as she stomped thru. Upon research, I found there WAS indeed a gay context - all part of the shameful secrets.

You could try making a quick list of childhood incidents, then grouping them and going into longer descriptions later. I can't relate - I feel like I have those old movies running in my head all the time, I even smell the smells sometimes.

Sorry if this doesn't sound supportive. You do work so hard; but you can't ask what you don't know, and neither can we! Rueful! Hope you find a new direction soon. One should bubble up shortly, it's the training effect. Just when you think you're doing all this exercise for nothing and you're running even slower, bingo you've cut a minute off your mile.