Lavender dear, don't give up! You've got a lot on your plate right now and not much emotional support at home. But you have many friends here rooting for you. Most important of all, you have a God who wants to walk you through this. Read Jeremiah 29:11. My daughter-in-law gave this text to me once years ago when I was going through a really rough time, and it was a break through. It gave me a new realization that Yes! God DOES care. Another suggestion - read also in 2 Corinthians what the apostle Paul went through and WHY. Remember a lot of folks here are caring and praying for you. Love, JeanieB