If I may add: my longterm T said the longer you can hold conflicting ideas in mind, the better the potential for growth. So I should have said, CEsq, these aren't your ONLY feelings, they coexist with feelings of love and respect and gratitude towards your mom for keeping you safe and talking things out with you. But PART of you - or maybe you identified with part of your mom - was still afraid, and that's the part that freaks out, or whatever? Again, sorry and apologies to all if I am out of line.