i just want to thank everyone who showed me suport when i really needed it sometimes i get caught up with being silly in the chats to cheer everyone up that i forget that i myself also have problems that will not go away over night it's just hard at the moment i'm a sensitive person i get hurt easily so when i feel that i'm not good enough to be someone's friend that hurts my ex bf said to she did not pick as one of her bridesmades because she thought i was not spiritually well i was like what gives you the right to judge me that way yes i do miss some meetings but i do love god dearly he knows my weaknesses and faults yet i pray all the time and ask for forgiveness and she traet as if i'm a leper how awful of her she invited me to her wedding me and my mom but after what she said to me i did'nt want to go plus her aunt and uncle would be there and at the moment they are not my favorite ppl they are my ex's parents and they were so mean to me his mom called me once una miardita which in spanish means little %#@&#! i think she was jelous that her son was spending more time with me and his father was just a jerk when he had surgery i baked him cookies and sent him a letter hoping for his recovery yet to them i was not worthy of their son i let him go because i wanted him to be happy meaning he is happy with his mom and dad i did not want tobe the cause of conflict for them anyhow it also help me see that what i felt for him was not love but just true endearment he is like my brother and i also realized i was not ready for marriage . anyhow when we broke up giovanna distanced herself from me and juan calls me once in a while but it hurts because i held her close to almost like a sister and she behaved so meanly she says we are still friends and that she will keep in touch now that she is married i'm like fat chance oh well when you hit a slump in life you're true friends show who they are . and the not so good one's reveal themsellves anyhow i dealing with that and my folks and my sickness all at once but i know with gods help i'll get through this . well thanks for listening guys steph