Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
I'm counting on magic. And some new stuff came to me in a dream last night. Wow!!!!
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Magic sounds like a great way to go to me, and sounds like it's working for you with the dream turning up
. What came to you in your dream? Do you normally dream, or remember your dreams, very often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
okay, I'll tell you my experience. I think I've already posted it on another thread. My T added some restrictions to my phone contact with her. A normal person maybe would have been unhappy about it but would have engaged in a productive conversation about it and immediately learned that my T had suggested the new restrictions only because she thought I had requested it.
My emotional overreaction was a full body experience. Complete and overwhelming shame and embarrassment coursed through my body. It was close to having a panic attack. My throat became constricted, I could barely breathe, my stomach was in knots, I started sweating, I couldn't think any more, I wanted to run out of the room. In fact, I tried to leave but my T asked me to please stay.
So, yes, feelings are what they are. I did sit with this feeling but it was so strong I had no choice. More mild feelings can sometimes be stuffed and ignored and that's not good and that's when we should acknowledge them and try not to judge but listen to what they're saying.
My emotional response was way out of whack and way too extreme. It caused me intense discomfort.
Now, that was the dysfunctional emotional reaction. My dysfunctional 'action' overreaction is that I proclaimed that I will never ever ever call her again. Now, when the thought even crosses my mind to pick up phone to call her, I begin to experience the beginning of a panic attack again.
My T has continued to tell me that we had a misunderstanding and she invites me to call whenever and as often as I would like, but in my emotional mind there is extreme 'danger' in the act of placing a phone call. I am not able to get past it. My rational brain understands how over-the-top this reaction is but my emotional brain is just incapable of changing its feelings.
So, that's what I'm trying to figure how. Why am I having such a extremely powerful reaction and how can I overcome it? My T has suggested that I force myself to call her but I'm just unable at the moment. It feels like I would die if I did that.
I hope that answers your question.
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Yeah, thanks for the re-explanation. I've been reading your posts from before, but somewhere between my messy memory and the different ways everyone interprets things, this made it a lot clearer.
What I'm thinking is that I've heard that for people who don't usually feel much emotional reaction, when you do feel them, they could be really strong, and you have to experience them like that for a while until you get used to them. Or something like that. Did you say you don't usually feel a lot of emotions? (Now I'm worrying about whether the same thing is in store for me in therapy
. Anyway...)
It sounds like you were really, really hurt by your t suggesting your phone calls might have been too much, even though now you know it was a misunderstanding. It sounded like you felt you were really opening up to her and being vulnerable, and maybe she didn't understand that you felt that way, so it really hurt when she didn't understand that you deeply needed her support. I wonder if you let yourself feel (again) those feelings of shame that you had when you still thought your t didn't want you to call if it could help you understand the feeling better. I'm not sure. Have you already tried that? You said you sat with the feelings but I didn't know if you meant you sat with them when you couldn't control them or if you let yourself feel them some more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
This incident happened on July 20th and we have been talking about it. I have told T exactly what my feelings are and we've discussed it ad nauseum. I tell her that I can cognitively understand that my reaction is overboard but I am unable to alter my feelings.
I've decided that there's no point in talking about it anymore. We're not going anywhere with it. It's just back and forth- I explain my feelings; she listens compassionately and then she will explain again my faulty reasoning (I know my faulty reasoning)
What was it?
(If you want to tell us. I understand if you want to take a break from it for a while, like you said.)
; suggest that it stems from shame (I understand it stems from shame); advise that I sit with the feelings (Yeah, I've sat with the feelings); explore when else I've felt like that (Yeah, so, it, of course has happened previously with others), and yadda yedda yadda.
So, we're at a standstill and right now I'm sick of the discussion because it feels like we're going in circles and besides I don't care if I ever call her again and I don't want to and I won't. So enough talk already about that issue. I will accept that I have this sensitivity and I plan on changing the subject next Wednesday to something more interesting and where we might have a chance to be productive. If I have my way, we'll leave this topic behind forever.
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