I agree with what Elliemay said. As far as how you change the reaction you're having (I mean, feeling like "she's disgusted with me; that she dreads seeing me...") idk. Have you told her you're still feeling these things even though logically you know they're not true? Can you think of any reasons why you don't trust her (on an emotional level) when she says those things are not true? What are you feeling and thinking when she says those things are not true? Maybe if you can pick those feelings apart it might help?