I think my mom and I had a pretty great relationship. There were a few things I never felt comfortable talking to her about, e.g. sex, but even that topic at certain times I was able to breach with her.

She was an amazing woman: strong, smart, independent. She raised my sister and I pretty much completely on her own, while at the same time running her own various businesses, volunteering, remodeling our house.

Sure, at times, she was annoying (all moms are) and once in a while we fought, but those were small instances.

As for how it felt, yes, being with her was like being home. Once I became an adult, that child-like feeling went away and it didn't come back just because I was with her. That was okay. Our relationship morphed from that of mother-child to one of friend-friend. She didn't have answers for everything; often, I didn't like her answers. But, she was always there for me, and when I was really lost, when everything had gone to hell and I couldn't think of anything to do except to sob and sob, I could call her and she would make me see the bright side. One of the things I said at her funeral was, "When you don't know what to do, what do you do? You call your mom." That was how it was for me.

Now, when things are in the *******, the fact that I don't have my mom to go to just makes everything a degree worse. I often will be upset over something else, only to remember I don't have Mom to ask and will then find myself grieving over her.

When she died, one of the things I lost was the type of love that a mother has for her daughter - no one will ever love me like she did. Of course, the last three or so years, when she was sick, were hard. Our relationship wasn't how it had always been nor how it should have been. My sister and I became the caregivers, the decision-makers. We were the mom's in the situation. She died way too young (60) and my sister and I lost our mom far sooner than was fair (25 and 23).

Cancer's a hell of a disease.