skysblue, I like what you said and it's true.

swimmergirl, you're right. I care MORE but my T cares very much for me. I can accept it but it hurts deep inside of me, that I care so much. It's hard to allow that caring, maybe because I'm so afraid of losing my T (irrational thinking I know) which transfers to my being afraid of losing people I care about in RL so I don't let myself care fully for anyone. Or, if I do, there's a sadness that goes along with it--like thinking about how much I love my grandchildren, but I don't want to love them "too much" though I do.

Thanks, MUE. Yeah, you described the feelings well.