Classes start today. I'm really worried right now about how I'm going to cope with my roommate. I don't understand people. They dont understand me. Anyways, the stress is making the auditory hallucinations worse. Yesterday I went to this show with my roommate, and I heard EVERYONE talking about me in the theater, mostly calling me stupid. I heard my roommate say nasty things too when we got back. She left to do some research, I began to freak out. BAD. I was close to trying to kill myself again.

Hallucinations have been a huge part of my life, dated back to my elementary school years. I was very violent. Visual doesn't happen too often but when it does I'm usually in a strange moment of laughter, once lasting up to 20 minutes. I only had one severe psychotic episode that lasted around 2 months, where demons were mocking me and chasing me and laughing and degrading me and telling me to commit suicide so I can join them in hell. I ended up inpatient. I was very stressed during that time and that's why I'm worried now....

Im on medication, but my prescription of risperidone is too low (obviously). I don't want to end up in another psychotic episode. It was the most horrible, scariest thing I've ever experienced.