How many times does one have to hear "I'm sorry, it won't happen again" ?

I want to run.... run.... far far away!!

If I hold strong in admitting my hurt-- I'm met with more anger and total upset for the whole family. Am I in the wrong for feeling he doesn't care?? If he cared.... would he use such very hurtful words time and time again? Would he throw things and break things........ if he cared??

I want to run this time! Run far far away!!

I fear it will NEVER stop if I don't make a stand for myself. .................. but no one will understand....... as I have been my own worse enemy!!! I have held all the signs of my pain deep inside, so no one would ever suspect-- no one from either families has any idea how it is between us behind closed doors. They won't believe or understand...... it will be just like when I was a little girl all over again!!! I hate this all so much!!

So many times I've heard... "It will be different from now on"..... but then it's not long and things are right back where they started!! I wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me if he is REALLY sincere this time.

I talked him into going with me to T. on Friday--- (my T. has been trying to show me that I don't deserve to live this way)..... I don't know if my T. is right...... I'm so scared...... I don't know what my husband is going to do there. Will I be the bad one??? Will he get even more angry with me??

In case I'm not around for a bit...... not to worry..... I may be out looking for a place to live.

Thanks to all of you that have supported me in the past........ Sorry I've not been on lately..... my computer is broken and I'm on a very slow and ancient machine---
not to mention when I'm going through emotional turmoil I tend to isolate.

bye,
mandy