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I happen to have some experience with persons who have this tendency where if you look sideways at then they go into a sulk. Even before I read your most recent note, I was thinking of the word bully. I see that term came out in your most recent note. People like this can keep you walking on egg shells all the time, with you trying not to set them off. That keeps you in a state of constant tension whenever someone like this is around. Also, the child functions as a kind of hostage. Even if you felt he deserved to be told off about his behavior, you'll always fear that if you tick him off, he'll take it out on the child. That is real sophisticated bully tactics. A person like that may not even need to be physically assaultive. In a way, that is part of his cleverness because he can say, "Hey, I'm not doing anything illegal."
In the end, the more you try to placate him, the more of a monster you create. It really is exactly like dealing with a child who throws temper tantrums. That will continue to take a toll on you the more you dance to his tune. And he will know exactly how to keep you doing that. You just want peace in the house.
As hard as it is, especially with a child present, you might think about standing up to him and in no way placating him when he is getting near to or actually going off. Unfortunately, that can probably only work on a person who is, in other ways, a decent human being. That story about what happened 3 years ago gives me the impression that he may be too far gone to be redeemed. Then, again, like I said: I don't know him.
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