I can totally relate. I started taking Zoloft (sertraline) about 2 years ago with the understanding it was temporary --that my brain might remember how to produce serotonin (something like that) after a period of time like 6 months. After 1 year, I started to titrate off the medicine and my depression recurred. So I went back on it. I hate taking them. Not because of any side effects. I really had no side effects from it. I just hate the idea that I need this drug. That I can't handle life without it. So from time to time I just stop taking them, like I'm trying to prove to myself that I don't need it. The results of not taking them are not good. Then my therapist has to remind how it's important to take them regularly and that I "function" best when I take them regularly. And then I start taking them again. It stinks. But when I am reminded of how sucky life is without them, I'm kind of glad I have them, even though I will never "like" taking them. You're not alone in wishing you didn't have to take them. Or fearing that you might have to take them forever. On average, I don't think most people have to stay on them like me.