wow, like i said before i can't believe that there are actually other people out there in the world who actually think and feel in a similar way to myself. I just wish that I could crawl up in bed and not wake up for a very long time. The only thing stopping me is my 2 gorgeous wee girls, and the fact that if i make 1 wrong move the state will take them away from me, probably permanently...due to the severe PND i had after my 2nd girl and the actions i took (which was ODing on sleeping tablets with the ultimate thought of just catching up on the sleep i was missing out on) the state is very closely involved and still has our eldest daughter under their care, although she lives with us. There is so much riding on me staying 'well', at a time when i know things are getting worse and worse. That too is why i am so grateful for the chance to read these posts, and go into the chat rooms and talk with you guys, as it makes me realise that my struggle is not only mine, it affects so many other people too and we all have to find a way to get through each day. For me it is my girls, for you debbie it may be your new foal, but as long as there is 1 goal to achieve each day you can keep going... good luck everyone