two days ago i went on a date with a guy i really liked for a year, i had so many hopes but he just talked about his ex-gf who he said he still loved and mentioned how he prefers blondes (ugh, i am brunette). i am glad i didn't just start balling or going in a rage in front of him, and instead kept my cool. but the date ended pretty lame - i just gave him a hug and we parted ways.

why do people do this others? i know he just wanted a quick lay. it's so pathetic. when will i ever meet a good man with decent character?

i came home after the date and binged after not eating for like 7 months. and yesterday i was feeling very suicidal. everything has sucked so much this year. i just wish someone would love me the way i would love them, because my love is so big and wonderful.

i am fearing the abandonment and even deliberated texting him about how the date went well and for the drinks he bought - but why?!? goodness gracious, the date didn't go well and i felt like crap and he is still so hung up on his gf. but i have this stupid lingering hope that it was all a delusion and that i can be the one to bring him out of his oblivious state as if "HEY! I'M THE BETTER CATCH HERE!"

but i won't. i am trying to keep it together and going to go back to therapy.