Ann Landers would say to a reader: "Would you be better off with him or without him?" You have said you have done this exercise. Two thoughts. First, your posts do not include much about what you see in this man that causes you such distress in making a decision. I sometimes get the impression you want the relationship to continue to assuage your guilt, an ego thing to allow you to feel better about yourself.

Second, in my mind, his attitude towards counseling is quite telling. He in essence is saying, "You caused the problem in the relationship, you fix it. I am mostly an innocent bystander in the process you must undertake to remedy the wrong." For your relationship to have a chance, he must do more that acknowledge in an off-hand way his own issues.

One such issue is his being jobless and broke in Colorado. He made the choice to be with you. He knew why you moved there. You did not have to lend him the money. He choose to accept it. He is quite good at marginalizing his decisions to feel better about himself.

My suggestion is this. You ask him to seek counseling with the understanding he will provide his therapist with copies of the correspondence the two of you have exchanged. Without the condition precedent regarding the copies, I would be concerned that his therapist would not get a more complete picture of what is going on.

If he will not agree to counseling, I would question his commitment to making this relationship work. Eventually, should the relationship continue, I think joint counseling would be beneficial.

As an aside, I think Oliver is old enough to sense his mother is troubled. Maybe he needs a hug?